Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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