What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
