She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
