Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
