1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
