Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize