just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
