I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
