No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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