i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
