I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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