...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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