Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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