Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
