I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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