Your face is a jimmy john
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
