his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
OPIZZABONMYDICK
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
