I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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