Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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