please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
