Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
