I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
