One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
