Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
