He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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