I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
