i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
