i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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