dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
