So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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