I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
