One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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