Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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