Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
