explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
