I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
