Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Holy sore nipples Batman
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
