so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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