I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
