Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
