i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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