she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
