My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
