margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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