Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
