i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
