tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize