He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
