Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Found the puke drawer
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
