Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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