I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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