Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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