I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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