White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We need to rekindle our bromance
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
