Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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