I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
