dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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