everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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