True but thats because hes a fetus.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
