she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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