i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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