let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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